


Fears

by opheliamj



Category: Baseball RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M, New York Mets, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 20:29:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7698358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opheliamj/pseuds/opheliamj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First David is mad at Daniel, and he doesn't know why. But then after a confession Daniel ends up being the angered one. As they both start to struggle with their feelings and themselves, it starts to effect the team. Will the two talk it out? With a cameo from a Drunken Matt Havey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fears

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this during the playoffs last year, and i wasn't posting fic then, and lost it. but i really didn't want to waste it, so think of this as a TBT. It's all mostly real time, and the picture is a reference to David's return game, it happened after is home run. to my lost loves. I swear this happens to my sports OTP every single time. Here is my love letter to Daniel and David.

 

 

                Daniel woke up in the middle of the afternoon. It took him a long time to get out of bed, but when he did he went to his window and stared. He knew his eyes were pink. Lately he couldn’t help but feel exhausted, and he never felt like he got enough sleep. No matter how late he slept.

          He missed the field when he wasn’t on it. Even on work days. Sometimes the second he woke up he was getting ready to go. Today he was trying to stay away as long as possible.  He knew the clubhouse would be filled with media since David was starting to get better. He just didn’t feel like being around all that.

          Daniel hadn’t seen David in weeks. He texted him a few times, but it was usually just small talk. Daniel knew he was busy, and he wasn’t trying to bother David. The few times he saw him in the locker room it was always quick, and they could only say hi. Usually they’d shake hands, and goof off. Last season they were practically inseparable.

          Pacing around his living room, Daniel went to his couch to lie down again. He knew David was probably distracted with his injury, but he felt like he hadn’t talked to him in so long. It made him more excited for David to come back. Then maybe things would feel back to normal.

          Days continued like that for a while. Daniel pushed through his days with a grogginess, still dedicating all his focus on baseball. He didn’t know why he felt so tired, but he only felt normal on the field. Sometimes it was the only time he felt like himself again. The game didn’t expect anything from him. He didn’t have to act a certain way. He just had to go out there and do his best. That was all that was asked of him.

The guys were great, he got along with his teammates. He loved going out with them after games. This season Daniel felt different. Going out with the team was always a good time, he loved when they could be all together without anyone else and he loved making everyone laugh. But he had turned them down more often than not in the past few weeks. All he would do was watch TV, and highlights. He went out with them a few times, but he said no more often than yes.

          He had some one night stands, but nothing felt real. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted anything real. He always fell asleep and woke up next to a girl feeling worse than before. He stopped wanting to go to bars, especially with David gone. Hook ups were pointless, and David wasn’t there, so what was the point anymore?

          Baseball was the most important thing. It almost made him feel like a kid again. It was where he felt like home, no matter where he was. So, he just kept pushing. News of David’s injury was starting to improve. He was showing up in the clubhouse more and more. But he wasn’t really talking to anyone, not Daniel at least.

At first Daniel didn’t notice. David still said, Hey, how’s it goin, whats up?, nice play out there…But Daniel was starting to realize the conversation never progressed from there. It was almost like David was giving him the cold shoulder. He thought about it a lot, and he couldn’t think of any reason why he could be mad.

Daniel knew how David felt about the game. Maybe David was just depressed about being out so long. Maybe he was just down about not being there to help the team?

The day David came back Daniel couldn’t stay away from the field. He woke up earlier then he had in months and found himself at the Phillies’s park before he even had time to think of it. He paced around the room before more of the guys started to show up, and he was the first on the field for batting practice.

The whole team was anxious to get started. By the time the first pitch went out it was like a home game to them. They had felt so good lately that just having David back they were unstoppable. When he went up to bat they all stopped and watched. The whole team hanging on the edge of the bench, Daniel watching, barely breathing. None of them blinked when the second pitch soared out of the park. He ran the bases and back to the dugout, and the whole team screamed and yelled in his face.

He hugged Daniel last. Daniel noticed how tight he hugged him, and then let go, but his hand lingered on Daniel’s back. David smiled and stared at the field. The sun was shining on his face. He looked back at Daniel, and he couldn’t help it.

“I missed you.” Daniel said grinning. David’s smile didn’t change, but his hand fell, and Daniel could tell he ruined the moment by talking.

The rest of the game went amazing. Everyone was so excited that David was there, they couldn’t have been stopped. But when Daniel went home to the hotel and laid in the dark with David just a few rooms away, he couldn’t help but feel like something was off.

After a few games, Daniel was starting to think David was really mad at him. He never set up his locker near Daniel’s like it was earlier in the season. He still barely spoke to Daniel. It was really only during games that the two would talk. And he still didn’t know what happened. He wished David would just tell him what he did so he could apologize.

Daniel went to the field early one day. He knew only one person got there that early, besides security. But, when he got to the locker room it was empty. After he showered and changed, more of the team had started to show up. He said hi to everyone, and then went out to the field. As he got closer he realized David was already out there, doing his batting practice. It was probably the first time they were alone all season.

“Hey,” he said approaching. David just nodded. Daniel started to re-lace his mit. He noticed David was letting the balls fly past him. He wasn’t sure if he was struggling or just letting them fly.

“You all right?” Daniel asked him, offhandedly. David kind of shrugged a little, out of breathe, already sweating.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said. It was quiet for a few minutes as David kept hitting.

“But how are you feeling? I know you have days off but is everything going the way it shou-“

“I’m fine, Dan. All right?” David said, stopping. Daniel put his mit down. No one called him Dan. He didn’t know why, but they just didn’t. Especially, David. So somehow Daniel made the one person that never got mad at anyone, mad at him.

Daniel got up and approached the cage, he felt strangely nervous.

“What’s goin’ on?” Daniel asked, leaning against the fence. David looked at him strangely. He almost looked offended.

“Nothing.” David lifted his bat again to start, but Daniel kept talking.

“No, I mean with you, and me.” Daniel said fast, before he could stop. “You used to be my best friend, and we’ve barely talked all year. Did I piss you off? Please let me apologize.”

David looked away, and then looked back. He kind of groaned, but Daniel saw tension leave his shoulders. David didn’t drop his bat but approached the cage, where Daniel was standing. He wasn’t sure what to expect, because David was barely looking at him.

“I guess, I should apologize,” Daniel looked at him confused. “I was trying to act normal. I thought I was normal.”

“What do you mean?” Daniel asked. David leaned on his bat, still not looking at Daniel. Why did Daniel feel so nervous?

“I really wanted to never have to say this.” David said. “And I didn’t think it would get this far. I thought I was doing good, and I guess I’m doing even worse than last year.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I think I tried to tell you a few times.” David rambled. “But then last year I said, no I’m going to leave it. And not do anything, and get over it. I didn’t want to make things weird.” Daniel stared at David, more confused than ever. David wasn’t looking at him.

“David, I don’t understand.”

“-feelings for you.” David burst out while Daniel was talking. He looked up for a second, hand covering his mouth and then looked down. Daniel almost gasped.

“What?” Daniel asked, loudly. He looked around embarrassed. He wasn’t prepared for way his stomach turned excitedly.

“I’m sorry, Murph!” David said, and Daniel’s cheeks burned bright red. “I don’t- It was a small thing. I didn’t…I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Daniel’s head was spinning. Everything he was saying confused him. He wasn’t expecting any of this. He looked at David expecting to feel mad, or even embarrassed. But his friend stood there nervously telling him he was gay, and only his family knows, and please don’t tell anyone. Daniel couldn’t help it, he felt something different in his chest, he felt almost jealous.

“Dan-“

“I’ve got to go.” Dan rushed off, leaving David to his batting practice alone.

 

 

The next morning David rolled over in bed still wide awake. He wasn’t sure if he even slept at all. If he did, it was a restless sleep. He was able to turn off his mind and think about nothing, but he still felt awful. He knew there were worse things than Daniel just walking off, there are worse things than rejection. So he got up, and started his day like normal.

He showered, ate, watched the news and went on his way. Because of his back he had to start his days early anyways. His life was even more dedicated to baseball than ever before. And he had to protect his back most of all, because he needed it when he had to leave baseball.

The locker room was pretty empty when he got there. He sighed as he threw all his stuff down. He noticed Daniel was there already, but he must be in the showers. His locker was moved again even farther away from David’s now. David just shrugged and kept going. Nothing changed for a while. They didn’t talk to each other, but they didn’t cause problems. They only talked during games. They high fived, they talked about baseball, they watched the opposite pitcher. After the game, David never saw him, and he never looked good. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a long time.

He didn’t care if Daniel wasn’t talking to him. He did the same thing. But the others were starting to realize. David was out with some of the team after a game one night. He wasn’t even sure how they got him to agree to it. It was an away game, and it was the last one. They had off the next day so some of the guys went out. Not everyone was there, Daniel definitely wasn’t. David was sitting alone at the bar, talking to the bartender, apologizing for his ‘friends’ and tipping her more. He sighed as she walked away. He sipped his beer and watched the game highlights. Watching the highlights from another team’s prospective was strangely calming to him. He didn’t realize someone had sat next to him.

“Dave…” He looked at Matt sitting next to him, wide eyed and slightly more buzzed then him. “So, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean? We’re drinking.”

“Nooo, no.” Matt said. He cleared his throat and sat up leaning on the bar. “I have a lot of time David, a lot of time to just sit there and watch.”

“Okay.” David said, taking a long drink.

“Why isn’t Daniel talking to you or you to him?” Matt asked, unsure of which he was asking.

“What?” David choked a little.

“At first, I thought you were mad at him, but it’s clear after tonight he’s pissed.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, when he asked who was coming I said your name first and he kind of groaned and walked away.” David couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

“It’s nothing, Matt.” But Matt looked at him doubtfully, drinking more.

“Even if it’s not something with you, Somethings weird about him.”

“What do you mean?” David tried to act like he wasn’t extremely interested.

“He just seems different.” Matt shrugged. “Not himself. Not as funny or joking at all really. He only came out twice this year.”

David finished his drink.

“Who knows, Matt. I really haven’t spoken to him.”

“Maybe that’s why.” Matt stood up and grabbed his fresh drink. “We were all bummed when you went out, but Dan moped. Now you’re back and you two aren’t talkin’.”

Matt walked away, and David sat in that spot for the rest of the night.

 

The next morning when David was at the park he waited for Daniel. After his work out he was able to find him in the locker room.

“Hey,” David said. Daniel jumped surprised when he spoke. The room was almost empty, just a few guys were there. “Nice new locker.”

David said, with a slight grin, taking a jab at him. Daniel just looked up at him confused, shrugging.

“David I-“

“I’m sorry about the thing I said a few days ago.” David continued. “This is what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to change things.” Daniel didn’t say anything but he looked around the room nervously.

“Just forget it ever happened all right?” David said, seriously. Daniel looked back with at him with a strange expression. David could have sworn he looked hurt.

“All right.” Daniel said. “Okay.”

 

The regular season was almost over now. After David apologized Daniel started to change again. His locker was close to David’s again, they started talking a little bit more, but things still seemed strange. By the time playoffs started, nothing felt right. David had never felt this way in his life.

One night after a really long game in LA, David stayed late at the park. When he got out of the showers he noticed almost everyone had gone. He noticed Daniel was still there but he was nowhere in sight. He looked everywhere for him, and he found him in the dugout.

“Hey…” He said, sitting next to him. David was starting to worry a little. Daniel didn’t say anything. “Is something going on? Matt said-“

“Matt?” He looked shocked. “You talked to Matt about me?”

“What? Daniel, no. He was worried about you. He thinks you’re mad at me-“

“Stop it.” Daniel said. “Matt? What does he know?” David couldn’t help but scoff.

“Know?”

“Yes.” Daniel said, blushing. David could tell he was serious.

“Nothing. He came to me because he said you’ve been acting strange all season. That’s it.” David was annoyed. Daniel leaned against the fence.

“So, what _is_ going on?” David pried a little. “Just talk to me.”

“I don’t know how to, David.” Daniel said, back to him. “I want to act like this never happened, I really do. I just can’t.”

David didn’t say anything. He felt guilty, but that day during batting practice he couldn’t help it. And Daniel was in the same position then, that David was now. Just a little different.

“It doesn’t have to be different. You’re making it this way.” David said, small.

“What are you talking about? You told Matt-“

“I didn’t tell him anything! Seriously, Daniel?” David said unable to hide his tone.

“It doesn’t matter. He still noticed something.” Daniel turned to him now, but didn’t look up. It was quiet for a while and even though he didn’t want to he wished he knew what Daniel was thinking.

“We gotta go.” David said, going into the clubhouse. He grabbed his things. He didn’t have to look but he could feel Daniel following him. They walked through the tunnel to the visiting team’s parking lot. As they got close he heard Daniel drop his things and groan. When he looked at him, Daniel’s bags were at his feet, and he was closing his eyes and holding the bridge of his nose. David hated himself for wanting to smile at the sight of him.

“I don’t have a car.” Daniel said. David felt even more annoyed. He just turned and kept walking to his rental, Daniel following.

When they got in the car, David felt even worse. He couldn’t do anything but look at the road. He was confused too. And why was Daniel so concerned with Matt? When they got to the hotel David went to get out, but Daniel didn’t move. He just stared out the window.   

“David?” He said, quietly. “I don’t really know what’s going on with me. I remember always looking at both, but since I obviously…” Daniel blushed bright red, pausing. “It’s not something I ever focused on. I just liked who I liked, and since I…I thought I could control it. It worked…it was working.”

David stared at his friend struggling for words. He wasn’t sure what Daniel meant, but he was starting to put it together. It made him feel bad for Daniel.

“It’s okay, Murph.” David said, calmly. “No one is asking anything of you.” David got out of the car and turned towards the hotel. He heard Daniel follow, and catch up to him. He thought Daniel would leave, but for some reason he followed David to his room. He had his key in the door but he didn’t say anything.  Daniel watched him confused. David could see something in his eyes.

David pushed the door, and Daniel practically pulled him inside. It was dark, and David felt his back pushed gently against the wall. Daniel’s hands were on David’s hips, his fingers were practically digging into him, and he leaned his forehead against David’s.

“Dan…” he whispered. Daniel’s expression was almost pained. David grabbed onto him, pushing him back, against the other wall. Daniel looked up at him with his cute, surprised expression, and David knew he was doing this right. Daniel’s hands tightened. David pressed his hips hard against Daniel’s, grinding against him. David grabbed his chin.

“You’re nervous, that’s why you’ve been weird?” David asked, and Daniel nodded slowly. “Don’t be I am too.” David’s voice sounded desperate, and Daniel stepped forwards, grabbing him tighter, and kissing him roughly.

“Are you breathing?” David asked, letting go of his lips, but still holding Daniel’s chin. He ran his thumb over Daniel’s lip and he actually felt him shudder. Daniel pulled his hips closer to David’s and he was surprised to feel how hard Daniel was. He looked up at Daniel.

“Breathe, okay?” He said gently. He pressed his lips onto Daniel’s harder now.  He never felt anyone that hard before, it was like Daniel was daring him. David kept kissing him, on the mouth, face, chin, down his neck. He could hear Daniel go crazy. He pushed David onto the bed, and he fell on top of him. Daniel held on David’s wrists. His forehead was pressing against David’s again.

“Slow.” David said. Daniel opened his eyes. His eyes grinned and he shook his head. David pulled his hands away from Daniel’s. He grabbed for Daniel’s cock fast, and almost laughed out loud at the surprised look on Daniel’s face. All David had to do was tighten his grip, and Daniel was saying his name. So he kept going and going until Daniel swore, and laughed and groaned. Daniel grabbed his hips tight, and David knew he was getting close. So he started going faster, and gripped him tighter. He stroked him tighter and fast, sucking on Daniel’s neck as he came all over the both of them. Daniel closed his eyes and fell next to him. After a few seconds he opened his eyes and started to reach for David, but he just leaned in and kissed him.

“Tomorrow.” David said, quietly. And Daniel smiled.

“I’m sorry I got you all messy.” Daniel said, a little embarrassed and David couldn’t help but laugh loud. He put his arms around Daniel.

“Don’t ever be sorry about that.” David said. “This is weird. But good weird, right?”

“Yep. Definitely.” Daniel touched David’s face. And after a long while of talking about nothing, they fell asleep together. The next morning, they woke up together too.


End file.
